Tuesday, June 5, 2012

NO, no no no NO!!

I’ve been really thinking about my struggles in the last 6 months.
My BIG problem: portion control, no accountability, this whole time I've been using online tools, apps - too much free reign.
Basically the problem is ME! I do well Mon-Thursday, I lose all willpower on the weekend. I don’t want to blame hubby for my shortcomings but I’ve realized that having been together for 7 years, 5 of which I was completely sedentary, most of your “CELEBRATIONS” & fun activities have always revolved around food. He’s unfortunately, not into the active lifestyle, he by nature doesn’t gain tons of weight no matter what he eats, probably because his job is so active. We are working at finding a happy medium, we need to find another activity we can enjoy together when we have free time – unfortunately he doesn't enjoy swimming, biking, hiking, running, going to the beach…none of those things he enjoys. ARGHHH- need to find something!!! I am however blessed that he is emotionally supportive of all my activities, he's NEVER missed a race, and he's cool with me spending tons of time training..so you can't have it all right?...we're working on a solution and I'm sure we'll find something.

My willpower with food took a dive somewhere along the line, portion control became non-existent, like I was convincing myself that since I’m running so much I can indulge a little – and a little turned into a lot!
With all these tracking programs, they work If you’re honest and you truly track everything, which I obviously wasn’t.. so instead of 1500 calores I was more likely eating close to 2100 – just a guess. Which I guess is okay if you’re active and you just want to maintain but loose? NOPE not happening!!!

I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately, I remember struggling to get out of the 200’s last year, it took me close to 7 months just hovering around 207-203 lbs and I recall saying that it was proving to be so HARD to get out of the 200’s so that I would NEVER forget how hard I worked at it and that I would NEVER EVER allow myself to get there again! I got out of the 200’s right before my 30th birthday last year and I vowed to never see that # again! That THIS decade would actually be different!
The lowest # I saw on the scale since beginning this journey was an unofficial - aka, not a weigh-in day... was 188 lbs right before my half marathon in March 2012, right after the half, I wanted to take a break from running cause I was a bit burnt out. Well, that break turned into a month and a half of no running at all. My weight had been maintaining as I was still somewhat tracking points, we had moved and I wasn't working but was keeping active with decorating and organizing, shopping, painting, etc. 
Once I got back to work and started my routine I actually started gaining, a pound here and there. I've recommitted and have my activity on track again in the last few weeks. I also quit WW and started tracking my calories. 
Still struggling on the weekends but keeping up. Over the weekend I did a long run and had binge afterwards ahhh!!! That followed by extreme fatigue and slept most of the afternoon. LAME!

Well Sunday I weighed myself and I was SHOCKED!!! It read 199.2!!!!!! I know It’s a small gain from where I’ve been in the last few months, but to me this is CRAZY!!!!!! 
I had promised, swore, vowed, even shouted that I would NEVER NEVER NEVER see the 200’s again!! and here I am .08 lbs away from them??! HELL ‘freakin NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no no no no!!!!
I’ve joined Jenny Craig. I need help! I need accountability, I need to learn portion control, I need to not rely on counting every single calorie, I need to stop binge eating, I need to lose weight, and I need my motivation and willpower back. I have the upper hand with the exercise but I admit and accept that I can’t do it alone.
I know this program is expensive but I believe this will keep me motivated – I don’t want to spend loads of $$ on food and then eat crap!
I weighed myself this morning and the scale is back down to 196.4 WHEW!!!! So I'm actually down -1 lb from last week's weigh in. 
I know when I saw 199.2 it was partly the binge, the water weight and the end of TOM but that is way too close for comfort. It was a wake-up call, a slap in the face, never settle, NEVER become complacent and FIGHT for what you want!
I will be successful, I will not fail no matter how hard it gets, how much I want to quit sometimes.
Reaching my goal is achievable and most of all I know I can do it.
WOW, sorry for the extremely long post – I needed to put it out there, mostly for myself, I needed to say it “out loud”
 I will be posting my WI's every week and I hope this week will be a good one. 

On another note, this weekend our running club had our first photo shoot – we’re gonna be getting a website which will have our headshots and short bio. Super excited to see how this will turn out.
It was so much fun!!! We took a bunch of pics at the pier/beach, it was a chilly overcast day but I think it’ll look great in the photos :D


Laser Rocket Arm said...

Eating processed food is the worst thing you can do for your body. It is not how many calories you eat, but the type of calories you eat. PLEASE read Gary Taubes' "Why We Get Fat," it will change your thinking and definitely your weight!

Baby Weight and Beyond said...

Good luck! I hope this makes the difference you need and you relearn portion control!

I have been struggling with much the same! We can do this!